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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
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12:48 pm - no one reads this
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why am i angry...all the time? i mean, i tend to get pissed off so easily. i just want it to stop. i just want to be happy. it's like i feel there is always an ulterier motive behind something nice someone does for me...cuz there usually is. i feel like i can't even trust my most trusted to make me happy.
i'm drifting away and no one is doing a thing to pull me back.
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| Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
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3:05 pm
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| Thursday, September 29th, 2005
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7:52 pm - siiiigh
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so i've got a bitch of a paper due. i've made some nice friends! alas...i'm feeling really bad about myself...
i end up crying after i get off the phone
just because i feel like such a fool
i can't even write about it...or anything. god...
smiles for everyone?
love, leah
current mood:  crushed
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
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10:56 am - another sporadic entry
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overwhelmed i suppose. all these assignments, papers, tests...it's ridiculous.
however, i did get my nose pierced. i love it. and i haven't gotten a negative response thus far. next i'm gonna get my tragus pierced...but not for a while.
chad lent me his writing handbook thing so i can write my apa research paper. that thing's gonna be a bitch, let me tell you.
speaking of chad...i feel bad for him. the poor guy works full time and is also a full time student. i mean, how much does that suck. we're going to muskegon on saturday though...watching the races. it should be fun!
adrienne's having a rough time with stupid guys. i don't know how some people can be so damn insensitive.
i wish i could just skip class today. vocal tech won't be bad but I HATE BALLET. WITH A PASSION.
also, i spent all morning cleaning the damned bathroom...there's hair plastered to the floor with hair spray that i could not get up...i feel like nothing has been cleaned in at least a week. and the suitemates drinking glasses were on the counter, so i took them out and put them on the floor next to the bathroom while i cleaned. i had just finished cleaning and had forgotten the glasses and instead of just picking the glasses up (there were dirty of course) one of the suitemates says "uhh did one of you just leave our glasses on the floor?" i'm like "yeah, i was cleaning the bathroom" and she walks away all irritated. yeah right! that's so ridiculous!
i'm also very very poor. i have no idea where my money goes! groceries i guess.
in any case, i've got shit to do.
smiles for everyone
love, leah
current mood:  stressed
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
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11:50 am - it's my birthday!
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Hooray I'm 18!
going out tonight with my parents and madelaine and chad. kruse and muers. oughta be fun.
chad and i are not fighting anymore...we made up! hooray! he read that entry though...i didn't know he read my journal so needless to say i felt bad...
adrienne left me a card and chocolates for my birthday...it was so sweet of her...she's got a bf now. he seems like a good guy.
went home this past weekend. partied at tony's...hoorah! going home this coming weekend again. apparently i'm going "clubbin'" tip top.
sunday is the bday celebration with the fam. also should be fun
plan on getting my nose pierced pretty soon. i think it's gonna be cute!
so much homework all the time. oy. i best be doing that.
smiles for everyone
love, leah
current mood:  amused
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, September 10th, 2005
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7:06 pm - ick
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i'm having a thorougly shitty time. nothing seems to go right for me. i have a ridiculous amount of work to do at all times...and half the time i can't do it because i'm missing a piece of the instructions or theyre unclear. i haven't really made any friends. i feel like i'm never on good terms with chad. everything sucks. and i don't care that i sound like a stupid bitch. because if you were in my place you'd be all out of sorts too. it's just...everything was supposed to be awesome, everything was supposed to be perfect...i mean, my honors college class was supposed to be a blow off. i was supposed to understand everything in my spanish class. i wasnt supposd to have homework in acting and ballet. my voice tech teacher wasn't supposed to be a flaming idiot. i was supposed to be going to parties, making friends, spending lots of time with chad. instead, i spend the majority of my time in class, doing homework for supposedly "easy" classes. i haven't been to a single party. and i am consistently at odds with chad. the thing is, i don't even know if he thinks we're at odds. nothing seems to matter to him. i just don't know what to do. i'm so bored. i can't even do most of my assignments in advance! everyone i know on campus went home for the weekend. i'm getting picked up shortly to go home for a useless 16 or so hours. i can't stand feeling like this. i'm so depressed. i've gotten to the point where i don't even want to do anything but sit on my ass in my dorm. none of the girls on my floor are friendly either. my roommate, myself and our RA are the only white girls on the floor. and i've tried to make friends...but no one seems to want to step outside their race when theyve got so many friends their own color. it's fucked is what it is. this is prejudice, not the other bullshit you here about. and i don't know if it's that chad doesnt care or he's just oblivious. but i'm having such a rough time. and he's insensitve to it all. and i feel like he tries to pick fights and when i engage, he gets all quiet and withdrawn and all of a sudden it's my fault. like today, he kept saying how tired he was and how much work he had to do. naturally when someone says this kind of stuff it usually means they want to get off the phone. so i say, you want me to let you go? he's like no, why would i? so we're talking some more and he brings up those two subjects again so i say "are you sure you don't want me to let you go? and he gets kinda pissed and asks me why i keep asking. my reply: because you keep saying how tired you are and how much work you have to do. of course this would prompt him to call me a jerk. i'm already fragile enough at the moment and he calls me a jerk? so i told him i was mad to which he replyed not "i'm sorry, i know you were just trying to help" but "ok". "i'm so mad" "ok". well, anyone else would get mad too! so i hung up. and of course he didnt call me back. and i wasnt about to call him. but then i just kept getting more and more upset so finally...about 3 hours later i steel myself and call him. basically he's just like "what's your problem" and other such things that didn't help the situation. the real kicker was that after i'm sitting there crying, trying to express what i'm trying to say he asks "what do you want from me" which of course sent me into a new wave of tears...so i said "nothing! i don't want anything from you!" and hung up. to which he didnt call me back. and i'm sure he feels rather righteous in that. i'm sure he feels as though he's the victim. fine. i don't care. i'm just sick of being on emotional rollercoaster. this whole college thing is enough, but the chad stuff of top of it all. i'm bound to break soon. i mean for god's sake, i have literally spent the whole day crying. from when i woke up at about 10 til now, i have had tears streaming down my face. i'm probably dehydrated from the loss of water. but i really don't know what else to do but cry. there doesnt seem to be an apparent solution as of this moment. i just feel like such shit. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me or how to fix it. i am so depressed and so angry all the time...it's not a pleasent way to live.
uhhh i guess smiles for everyone?
love, leah
current mood: depressed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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12:16 pm - so i know i put this off
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| How to make a leah |
Ingredients:
5 parts intelligence
1 part ambition
1 part beauty |
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Top it off with a sprinkle of lovability and enjoy! |
Personality cocktailFrom Go-Quiz.comwell, i'm at college. i moved in on saturday. i've gotten settled in. my first class is tomorrow. vocal techniques. followed by ballet. the roommate's awesome. we've gotten along really well. chad and i went out for his birthday on sunday. which was fun. i've been doing some of the welcome week stuff. like i went to the honors college game day. rocked out cranium lol. went to the coldplay concert last night with adam and rachel and chad. it was really fun. we got there just as coldplay came on though. because adam decided we were going to dinner at kruse and muers. it was really good, but we waited seriously 50 minutes for a table. chad was kind of perturbed about the whole thing. but i'm pretty sure all was fine and dandy once we arrived. we didn't miss any of the big songs which was tip top. then adam and rachel were dropped at the car and chad and i had a lovely time...fabulous, really. so apparently gas is up to 3.30? how insane! i'm kinda glad i'm not driving now. today...i have to see someone for advising. katie and mike are coming for the jack johnson concert so they may be stopping by. all in all, this hasn't been too bad. more later! smiles for everyone love, leah
current mood:  curious
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
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11:33 am - my life is so typical
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so the cellular device got pulled today...again. i was over by like 200 bucks. so i have to work it off in my house...i can't just pay back in cash. it sucks. and even when i do work it off, i still don't get the phone back. and go figure. all calls connected to lapeer.
alas, i suppose i am quite reachable via the internet until the cellular reappears in my life in all it's glory.
fights all around today...as is the usual. i've just been so depressed. i don't have my spark. as a matter of fact, i've been losing some of these fights. i have no zest. i've become ms. apathy. i just don't care. it's really quite a sad state of affairs.
went shopping with josh today. fun times all around i suppose. prints plus definitely closed. now i really don't know where i'm gonna get posters for my room.
i'm so not into this right now
smiles for everyone
love, leah
current mood:  cranky
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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10:31 am - the first entry
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so i can't guarentee how often i'll update this seeing that i'm gonna be a busy college girl...but everyone seemed keen on my getting a livejournal so here it is.
instead of making this a monumental first entry, how about just an update on life?
good.
highlights of today...chad and paul are making me my loft...hooray! i am very excited...i doubt he will, but chad could be really cute and like...put a message somewhere on it for me to find...or be able to see when i'm going to bed...but then maybe not because that'd mar the wood and it's brand spankin new and handmade. also i felt like an extreme idiot because chad cell called i answered (as usual) "hi sweetie!" and hear "hey sweetie pie"...not chad. def paul. i was like "uh, oh, hey paul. i'm an idiot". great story eh? i guess it was more embarrassing when it happened. but apparently it's gonna be upwards of 350 bucks...the whole project. my dad was pretty upset. but what are you gonna do?
i move in saturday so i've done some packing today, a few target runs, refilled my yasmin, took my essay to the court, gave elise's cd back to her (i had had it for like...months) got dinner, packed some more, figured out the book situation...sort of. i'm excited to get out but not so excited for the actual moving...too much work for someone as lazy as me.
i've actually been kind of wigging out about this whole college thing...like i'm gonna suck at it...like i won't get my stuff done...like i'm overloading it with 18 credits...and such. and i really hope things work out with my roommate and my suitemates.
ok i'm so done for this entry.
smiles for everyone,
love, leah
current mood:  apathetic
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